Humphrey loves her some art.
I thought I would serve up my favorite kind of bitchy for last night’s show.
Bitchy, with pictures:
The girls all head down to Miami, to basically get drunk. No one seems to have any qualms to calling it as it is, so props, but negative points for the silly ‘Miami Beach outfits.’ EEK.
So Miami Basel is a big deal. This is true. But it’s not a big deal for these girls to be there. They aren’t working at a fair. They may do a ‘pop-up’ situation (I refuse to say gallery because that would imply that they were showing art. I am pretty sure Chantal’s eyebrows and Claudia were discussing clothes hangers and hanging racks).
So anyway, the EOC girls are going to slouch about in the sun a bit and maybe head to a fair for 5 seconds.
Liz and her dad make me sad. I am always ripping on Maggie from her inability to maintain eye contact with anyone but I have to say Liz was having similar difficulties in this scene with her dad. In any case airing your dirty emotional laundry on this show is probably not going to get your father’s attention, and definitely not any sort of positive attention.
Claudia and Chantal’s eyebrows were so out-of-place and awkward at the Margulies Warehouse. But they did skulk around in perfect slouchy aloofness.
The ravens from Brooklyn’s prime concern seems to be swanning around town in Sex and the City inspired costumes. I am shocked they were able to crawl out from their dark dank caves to bask in the sun. Quick, 50 SPF stat! And make sure it offers broad spectrum protection. And Angela, for someone who likes to show off her lovely lady lumps to the camera men I would think you’d pick a bathing suit with more favorable tan line potential.
AMY GOT FIRED
I told you to put your hair in a pony tail and ditch the Birkin. Sharon saw right through the compliments and brown-nosing.
Sad times but this girl will always be able to turn lemons into lemonade. I know people just like her and they are able to always scrape by on fumes and a smile. Kissing ass goes a long way.
Of course Beefcake came down with Maggie. I love her shoes, BTW, love a good T-strap. Looks like she can’t walk in them though. Beefcake boys are always good to lean on when your feet hurt.
Showdown between the Manhattan girls and the Brooklyn girls. Oh and Claudia’s little quip about Liz not being able to dress herself confuses me. Liz looks fully clothed here…and actually fully clothed well. Claudia, when you try to dish out insults make them a bit better, you know, you have to draw blood. It ain’t good reality TV otherwise. I mean you could go after Liz’s Botox, I have a sneaking suspicion she indulges in that dermatological service.
Sorry for the super late recap on this. I started to find it difficult to regurgitate all the inane silliness of this show but now I’m over it and I’m back on to LOVING this show.
The important narrative points to take away from this episode were: Angela is going to have her big ‘IT GIRL’ party/photography exhibition. Maggie goes home to Pennsylvania where she quietly drowns her sorrows in white wine. She shows some semblance of a spine and goes on some very staged job interviews. Amy throws a dinner party that only Maggie, Kerri and Angela come to. She also puts her foot in it so many ways and times it’s just sad. The EOC girls enlist the services of SUCKLORD. Kerri NEEDS chocolate and Liz doesn’t appear, except to say that she isn’t going to Amy’s dinner party.
So Angela is continuing to flagrantly self promote by hosting a party/exhibit of her photography. In reality it’s just a bad bad student show. She describes her work as exploring solitude and moroseness with pop and a lot of color, which may I point out is completely contradicting, but that’s cool, whatever Angela. She says her photos are about ‘characters that are very lonely,’ is this a glimpse into the sad lonely sole of Angela Pham? I am unsure if the point of this endeavor is ‘look at me!’ or ‘look at my art!’, actually I lie, I am 110% sure that the point of anything Angela does is ‘look at me!’ ’I want to be an it girl and some people might call me a fame whore’ says Angela with such pride. In the process of organizing her ‘event’ Angela complains that one stress is always replaced be a new stress…Yes Angela, that’s called life, get with the program please. And please getting changed in front of the cameraman, showing your boobs isn’t going to solve any of your problems, I promise (has anyone else noticed that Angela manages every episode to flash her titties at the camera in a very weak attempt to look blasé? Cause I have). Angela’s ‘event’ is called ’Totally not Depressed,’ A few reasons why Angela has every right to be depressed; 1. She has bitchy friends who she thinks would make fun of her should she fail. 2. Eli Klein legitimizes her ‘event’ with his presence. 3. One random guy’s supposed approval of one of her photographs justifies the entire endeavor. Oh and BTW, my boyfriend pointed out that Everclear should have been the liquor served at Angela’s ‘event.’ It is more economic and would give Angela much more street cred than vodka. Amen.
Poor Amy. Poor poor Amy. I genuinely feel for this girl. She is so bubbly and up-beat, seemingly very confident and happy but underneath it all I think she is a wreck. Terribly insecure and frightened. She wants to have everyone’s approval and acceptance but doesn’t get that the saccharine sweet incessant twittering of compliments and constant good cheer is mind numbing and SO TRANSPARENT. Of course Liz, miss cool as a cucumber with a biting tongue hates you. Amy decides to host
a smokey mess dinner party, at her parents’ apartment along with her 12 year old brother. No one comes in time for food, god did they dodge a bullet on that one. Maggie and Kerri show some team support and come to Amy’s soiree. Kerri scoffs at the decor and Maggie wisely comments that ’it is her parent’s apartment so maybe she can’t make it her own.’ Angela shows up, ’it wouldn’t hurt to have friends with money who can actually buy my art.’ Clever girl! The EOC bitches could learn a thing or two from you. Amy, who will take anyone’s scraps, is flattered that Maggie, Angela and Kerri came ‘because it means they support my career’…I’m not sure of the logic in that. Amy, it means that Bravo needed you guys all to be in the same room and forced them to come, oh and Angela wants your money.
Amy can’t get anything right this episode (the Magical Elves are really setting her up as the loser of the group). She comes 30 minutes late to a meeting with Sharon Hurowitz (‘my interns are late and not in an endearing way’ ) and some print library curator. Ugh Amy, a nugget of advice, from one prissy blonde to another, when you are going to be late to a professional meeting DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT show up with your hair perfectly coiffed and your Birkin bag on display complaining about commutes in taxis! For the love of God. Your hair serves as an indicator of the time you wasted preening rather than hauling ass to the meeting. Pony tail that shit. The Birkin, starting price $10,000, shows that you are just some rich bitch who doesn’t need this ‘job.’ And come on, you can always blame tardiness on delayed subways. Don’t even mention taxis, EVER.
Over at End of their World gallery Chantal and Claudia court SUCKLORD (Already a member of the Bravo family, Sucklord is from Work of Art. Kudos to Bravo for looking after their own. It’s like the mafia, family is family, and they always look after their own.) for a show. Neither Claudia or Chantal seem very enthusiastic about him which makes it a bit weird that they are working with him…don’t they call the shots at their own lifestyle boutique gallery fashion store, or is Bravo actually pulling some strings? Anywho, Claudia claims Sucklord is more commercial, which doesn’t make any sort of sense. He seems to just produce weird action figures that are more likely to poison your child than provide any sort of artist merit. Claudia actually is pretty funny with him, she just spews sarcasm and dismissive malice all over his face, ‘jewelry and women’s fashion and art so…. chic-flick stuff. Yeah. We listen to Joni Mitchell all day and then cry.’ Claudia dismisses Sucklord as a douche bag, I think that douche NOZZLE (my dad taught me that phrase a few weeks ago, LOVES IT) would be a more apt description. So between Claudia, Chantal’s eyebrows and Sucklord they come up with a plan to make toilet paper, tampons and an occupywall street – like performance. GENIUS, and commercial! They have an opening/performance/theater kids geekfest at EOC and drink cheap red wine and everyone seems happy, but only after Chantal’s eyebrows ask everyone to yell in their inside voices. I think Chantal and Claudia manage to sell some of Sucklord’s tampons and toilet paper and so the night is a raging success.
So this was a big episode for Maggie. She packs up her Prada flats and her beefcake boyfriend’s Wayfarers and head to her mother’s house in Pennsylvania. But don’t worry she called ahead to request that her mother keeps the proseco flowing and the green bean casserole plentiful. There really isn’t much to say about Maggie’s trip home. Her mom seems sweet and her step-dad nice. I will note that Maggie keeps an IV of white wine tapped into her vein the entire visit. Her parents try to discuss her life with her and she just clams up and keeps her eyes glued to the floor, or her wine glass or some distant spot in the corner of the room, anywhere but anyone’s face. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GIRL! Will eye contact immediately sear your retinas? Will you spontaneously combust if you speak directly to someone? No wonder this girl is still an intern. She is the mousiest quietest little thing I have ever seen. It is so painful to me. Anyway Maggie does manage to squeak out that she thinks her future is in NYC and not on her mother’s sofa, even if she can’t get a job. After her weekend at home Maggie picks herself up and goes to 2 job interviews at other galleries. These interview segments serve as a great tutorial in how NOT to interview, of course. Maggie mumbles her way through the interviews. Again avoiding eye contact and generally coming off as a spineless little girl. When asked what she has learned during her 3 year internship at Eli Klein Fine Art she fails to come up with a single response, not one! Not even ‘sleeping with the boss will ensure you the role of gallery bitch for at least 2 years.’
And in conclusion of the episode Kerri and Amy meet up for a coffee. Kerri is hardcore PMS’ing and repeats about 400 times that she wants chocolate. Please that girl is too skinny too ever eat chocolate. Truth. Amy ‘takes some initiative’ and ‘delegates’ work to Kerri by throwing note cards at her with a list of menial tasks for her to complete so Amy can head to Dorian’s a bit earlier. Kerri, who has been taking notes from all of those catty teenage girl TV shows immediately runs to Sharon Hurowitz and rats out Amy’s delegation of tasks. Sharon is not impressed, ’this is why I’m glad I’m not 20 anymore.’ And that wraps it up.
Helmut Newton is one of my favorite photographers.
Originally from Berlin, Newton lived in Australia, France and America. He started working with Vogue as early as the mid 1950s but didn’t really come into recognized success until the 70s with his work for Vogue France. He was married to June Brunell (who later changed her name to Alice Springs). They would work together – she became a renown photographer in her own right. Sadly Newton passed away in 2004.
His work can tend to the commercial but at the same time be very provocative, keeping it satisfyingly shocking.
And his subjects are always FIERCE. Through setting, highly contrasted lighting and dramatic poses he creates some of the most powerful photographs you can find.
His work often evokes S&M and plays with the role of domination. But the women always seem to be in control. They are an object but I never feel as though they are being objectified. They command their own presence.
He rarely shot in studios, preferring real interiors or streetscapes.
A wonderful series of work he did in the 80s was The Naked and the Undressed. These photos comprise some of his best known work.
His work can be really perverse.
Bulgari was rumored to have been a bit upset with this photo…they didn’t like their jewels dismembering a chicken. That cavity is so raunchy and gross.
I find Newton’s work glamorous, sexy and empowering.
Episode 2 of Gallery Girls aired last night and no one got stupid drunk, such a shame. Instead we see the very boring day to day lives of the 7 ladies on the show, which seems to loosely revolve around the art world.
At End of Century it seems a routine has already been established. After the opening night party Claudia is magic erasing wine stains off the walls (why didn’t Bravo show us that action! WTF Andy Cohen, wine slinging hipsters sounds like awesome reality TV to me). Chantal saunters into the store hours late but she did have a delicious FRENCH PRESS coffee, not to be confused with filter coffee. Claudia and Chantal discuss who is going to run the store and can’t figure it out. Spencer (Chantal’s Williamsburg boyfriend) finds a half eaten cupcake in the back room then Chantal and Spencer saunter off. I am assuming this is going to be business as usual. Later in the episode some ‘big deal somethingorother people come into the gallery-highbred-boutique-lifestyle-store. Claudia tries desperately to show her wares/paintings. There’s a lot of gesticulation and discussion of the ‘surface of the painting’ (this is all just an opportunity for us to know that the paintings are around $6,000 -$ 7,000. Claudia will have a tough time selling those…) and a lot of politely disguised disinterest. It’s all horribly awkward. The important french? people start playing with the silly overpriced clothing. I believe a $400 skinned umbrella hat is donned. The frenchies scuttle out of the store having successfully not made a single purchase. Like I said, a routine has been established.
Maggie is getting ready for her ‘first day’ back on the
job internship at Eli Klein’s gallery. I had a real sad face moment for Maggie, living in Murray Hill making Kuerig coffee for herself. Nothing like the fine sophisticated fair trade french press coffee Chantal often enjoys. Maggie gets to work and is apparently horrified that Liz gets to sit at the front desk so early in her internship! I will say it now that Maggie needs to MAN UP. Of course Liz is sitting at the front desk. She looks professional and presentable versus little meek as a mouse Maggie with her frizzy bun and complete inability to take her eyes off the floor. Could you imagine her greeting customers? No, exactly. MAGGIE this is to you; put some pizzazz in your step, hold your head up and E N U N C I A T E when you speak and you will go far (well you may at least move out of the internship realm). Until then you will have to be content folding Eli’s dog shit bags and refreshing the gallery’s outdoor waterbowl. Oh, and she has to go to the dreaded Brooklyn to pick something up for Eli. She likens the experience to being in a ‘zombie apocalypse.’ But Eli takes her out for drinks (Liz ran as fast as she could in the opposite direction. Smart girl. Oh and she has a chihuahua!) and tries to get her drunk. She confesses that her boyfriend isn’t very sophisticated. She’s trouble, TROUBLE.
Kerri meets with her rich person concierge business boss (I still don’t know what to call what she does). They discuss her juggling her job and her very real and authentic internship with Sharon Hurowitz. Miami Basel is brought up. Drunk girls in Miami, I can’t wait! Kerri is told that she has to ‘quarterback the whole thing.’ Yeah right. Anyway we also get to see how awfully strenuous Kerri’s job is. She has to pick up bagels, hop in a private car, go to Teeterboro airport so she can prepare a private jet for some rich people. Then she has to take the same chauffeured car back into the city and pick up a small framed print for Sharon. It looks grueling, and to boot I think it started to drizzle a little. There is a really cute segement where Kerri goes back to her totally normal and sweet family in Long Island. They eat food at home, she and her dad go to a bar to watch football where he expresses concern and support about her making ends meet. It’s really sweet and very normal. We are all meant to like Kerri.
Bravo arranges for cameras to go to a Phillips de Pury auction (Simon de Pury drunk the Bravo punch a couple of years ago with Work of Art). All the girls (minus Liz) go to the auction. It’s really lame and boring not at all like an evening auction. Evening sales are packed, art world big wigs and celebrities come to see and be seen. MILLIONS of dollars worth of bids go flying through the air. It’s actually really electric. Alas the most excitement at this auction comes when Maggie makes her guy friend point out Claudia’s shirt is inside out. There are a lot of forced smiles and HIIIII’s exchanged. Then they all go out for a drink. The divide between the Brooklynites and the Manhattanites is palpable. Amy orders a ‘sweet syrupy cocktail’ which Angela informs us is so out of fashion. Maggie is just happy they aren’t in Brooklyn, did you know that ‘that they all live in warehouses or something down there?’ Amy, the lush, wants to go to Dorian’s, an Upper East Side establishment that only prep-school girls and creepy serial killers go to (the Preppie Killer please). True story.
There is a not very exciting scene where the End of the World girls go out for drinks in Williamsburg (let it be noted that there is absolutely no distinguishable difference between snotty Brooklyn girls getting drinks and snotty Manhattan girls getting drinks). Angela is wearing her gorilla, on the prowl for some MAN MEAT. Then some loser guys, attracted by the sparkly lighst of reality TV cameramen, wander over. One dude sticks his finger in the girls’ macaroni and cheese (that sounds so much better than it was) and tries to get in on Angela’s Asian action. She says she feels like she’s getting raped. The guys leave when they realize that these reality TV girls are not suitably wastey faced, but not without first fisting the mac and cheese. Angela squeals, bitches ain’t getting ‘béchamel sauce on my clothes’ and throws a few noodles at the guys retreating backs. It’s actually a total non-event. Later Angela goes out with her gay friends wearing a tutu and laments that she has such trouble finding men. TAKE THE TUTU AND THE GORILLA COAT OFF. She was obviously way too influenced by Carrie Bradshaw. Whatever, apparently Angela has a depressed vagina.
stay tuned for next week:
Will Eli ad Maggie have slimy no eye contact sex?
Will Amy get drunk?
Will Chantal learn to stand up straight?